Myths about Sex with Toys – Myths #2 and #3

Myth #2: Sex toys reduce spontaneity. Sex should happen freely and impulsively — in the moment. Using sex products interrupts that immediacy.

Truth: Using sex toys can be very spontaneous. It doesn’t have to interfere with the moment. With just a little practice, you’ll find that using sex toys is as spontaneous as sucking and fucking.

Here’s an even more important truth: The spontaneity of sex is both over-stated and over-rated. There are lots of things that we do to prepare for sex. A few examples include:

  • We shower, trim hair and shave
  • We apply deodorant and/or perfume and cologne
  • We put on clothes that make us attractive
  • We put clean sheets on the bed for a hot date
  • We use or apply birth control

We also stop in the middle of sex for all kinds of things:

  • During foreplay, we put on condoms or diaphragms
  • We shift positions
  • We take trips to the bathroom
  • We stop to deal with a sudden muscle cramp in our leg

If buying a dress or a shirt is normal and worthwhile, buying a sex toy that will make sex more pleasurable is worthwhile too! And reaching for a toy during sex is no less spontaneous than reaching to turn off the light — or to switch it on, if that’s what you prefer!

Myth #3:
If you “need” to use sex toys, you’re not good enough. You’re inadequate.

Truth: Using sex toys means you’re a better lover, not a worse one. It means you’re playful, creative, confident, flexible, and open to new things. It means that you care about your partner’s pleasure as much as your own.

More important truth: We can’t emphasize this enough: If you use them right, sex toys can help make you the hottest ticket in town. It can open erotic doors you didn’t know existed, both for your partner and for yourself. Stop cheating yourself from the fun!

Practical lesson: Think of sex toys not as substitutes for techniques or body parts, but as tools. Do you consider a carpenter as a bad carpenter for “needing” a hammer?? Hell no! A great carpenter has a plethora of hammers and tools, and he knows how to use them! Try thinking of sex toys the same way. You’ll be better off.


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